allangtegek: a pattern of dirt particles in a puddle of water (hier gaat wat fout)
I got told off for being an idiot and letting my studies slip again. As usual, a concerned teacher was going Cass, you're too intelligent for being such an idiot, wtf?!, and... I just don't have an answer to that.

I don't know why I just can't seem to bring myself to do my homework on time.
I don't know why every single email (or letter or phone call or whatever) from a teacher or teacher-like entity makes me want to hide.
I do know that I get that feeling because I always think they're going to say I'm an idiot or doing it wrong or have totally failed whatever.
Yes, I do know how ridiculous that is in some cases. (Hi, final examinations results!)
I don't know why I seem to be allergic to deadlines.
Most of all, I don't know why the hell I can't get over this/myself to find some way around this rather massive bunch of problems for the average ambitious student.

My latest fail (nope, I still haven't looked at the email):
I am of course now going "MEEP!" and hiding, because my thesis supervisor needs my resume. But I would guess they're much more interested in academic stuff I've done (also basically nothing) but I have no clue how you put that. :(

I fail so badly at personal responsibility...Jeez, in fact I just got an email back from that other teacher as well and a) I just basically froze and b) I'm scared to even read it.

(Yes, copy/pasted from a comment. I am lazy.)

As usual, I was being a scaredy-cat idiot. I now have one recommendation in the pocket and still no clue how resume = recommendation, yay!, so...


Mar. 9th, 2009 05:54 pm
allangtegek: a pattern of dirt particles in a puddle of water (shani :])

Let's open this journal on a positive note! I just heard back from the place I applied for a job at last week (they do on-the-street and door-to-door donation recruitment for several charities).

Their email said they'd respond within two working days (so that'd be from Tuesday to Thursday or Wednesday to Friday), so after Friday I was worrying if I'd listed my phone number correctly--I'm a worrier, it's just what I do--but it makes sense to draw it out over the weekend.

I think I handled the first call reasonably well, considering I couldn't recall which charities they worked with off the top of my head and away from the computer and inadvertently called their website unclear (oops!). I now want to work for them because, while I can't contribute to charity financially at the moment, I can give some of my time to indirectly help charities. It has the benefit of being true.

I even managed to bend what I did at my previous job (analysing voicelogs) into being a way to get some rhetorical analysis with regard to the recruitment process, and once in a blue moon I did do some recruitment myself, which I think should count as semi experience. Being good at public speaking (I opted for on-the-street because it's closest to what I am very comfortable doing: addressing an audience) and being reasonably able to get my thoughts across are pluses too, of course.

That leaves the perhaps biggest obstacle between me and a job that involves talking to people: I find it incredibly difficult to approach strangers. It's easiest in real life, though. I get far more nervous with telephone and email, so it should be a little less of a problem. And as I said before, I've long thought that I'd need something like this to get over whatever it is that gives me this trouble.

(Honestly, isn't it weird how initiating contact with strangers almost cripples me with nervousness but public speaking comes pretty easy to me?)

I have a job interview this Thursday at 15.00. :D


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