allangtegek: a pattern of dirt particles in a puddle of water (hier gaat wat fout)
[personal profile] allangtegek
I got told off for being an idiot and letting my studies slip again. As usual, a concerned teacher was going Cass, you're too intelligent for being such an idiot, wtf?!, and... I just don't have an answer to that.

I don't know why I just can't seem to bring myself to do my homework on time.
I don't know why every single email (or letter or phone call or whatever) from a teacher or teacher-like entity makes me want to hide.
I do know that I get that feeling because I always think they're going to say I'm an idiot or doing it wrong or have totally failed whatever.
Yes, I do know how ridiculous that is in some cases. (Hi, final examinations results!)
I don't know why I seem to be allergic to deadlines.
Most of all, I don't know why the hell I can't get over this/myself to find some way around this rather massive bunch of problems for the average ambitious student.

My latest fail (nope, I still haven't looked at the email):
I am of course now going "MEEP!" and hiding, because my thesis supervisor needs my resume. But I would guess they're much more interested in academic stuff I've done (also basically nothing) but I have no clue how you put that. :(

I fail so badly at personal responsibility...Jeez, in fact I just got an email back from that other teacher as well and a) I just basically froze and b) I'm scared to even read it.

FAILING CASS FAILS!
(Yes, copy/pasted from a comment. I am lazy.)


As usual, I was being a scaredy-cat idiot. I now have one recommendation in the pocket and still no clue how resume = recommendation, yay!, so...

(no subject)

Date: 2009-03-24 08:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] labelledcaustic.livejournal.com
I have no answer to your questions because I'm still trying to answer them for myself. I failed what is an equivalent of a year's worth of classes (two semesters) for that very same reason; never went to administration for help, never went to the profs, never went to lecture-mates for help, and it turned out to be pretty preventable when I finally got off my downward slide to go to the uni registrar--she was like, "dude, you're not the only one"...but I was always the same, and profs used to go, you're far too clever to be doing this poorly, etc etc... I know how you feel.

Thank goodness you got your recommedation. What do you mean no clue how resumé = recommendation, though?

(no subject)

Date: 2009-03-24 09:03 pm (UTC)
ext_34185: (Default)
From: [identity profile] allangtegek.livejournal.com
Yeah that does sound familiar. Trouble asking for help and a stubborn streak from here to [relevant place far away], right?

(For me it was choosing the wrong kind classes in the beginning and despite signals coming from everywhere (even, hah, the scheduling conflicts) stubbornly continuing that course, instead of switching when it was still possible. That was already going to cost me the year, so I mostly went through the entire second semester feeling sorry for myself and not actually finishing any classes.)

Well my thesis supervisor needs more information, so he said I should mail him my resume. But surely they want to know about my lack of academic exploits and not that one job I had for two years almost two years ago? I just don't get it...

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